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Hello??

2009-07-30T22:03:00.013-05:00

Hi,
I don't know if anyone read this since I've been out of this site in like years...? no just months actually.
Here's I've been up to:

I found a website early this year called PLM, Patientslikeme.com
Still active at facebook.com
Haven't been on Twitter.
Still like Youtubes a lot!

and Of course Ive seen most of you actively posting on Facebook, I'm so glad to see all there :-)

well, I have a lot to say but right now I'm sleepy.
Nite,
Gem~

Still on Facebook & Twitter

2009-04-23T20:55:00.012-05:00

I found Rebecca there, so please if any of you are on Twitter also, I'd love to see you there! Let me know what's your twitter name..mine is "GemWasHere"
Hope to see there soon!
Hugs,
Gem :)

**http://twitter.com/gemwashere

Facebook: **http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#/profile.php?id=1228445587&ref=profile

YouTube: **http://www.youtube.com/user/gemzutuve

~Gem~ :)

My! Gosh!! freakin' blogger.com!! (sorry friends)

2009-03-10T14:02:00.008-05:00

I finally managed to get back in here! What's going on here? When I first tried to sign in (more than once actually) it keeps telling me I need to sign in with google account. I mean how many account does blogger.com have? Are the two separates? Gosh! they make it harder not only to sign in, but also get around journal blogs :-(
Everytime I want to leave a comment, I always have to type the "pass it or get locked-out" alphabet code! I mean how many times do I have to do that?

Yes, I'm frustrated with this "blogger-too many internet- blog- account- we- have- and- that's- for- you- to- figure- out- so- you- can- leave- comment".

yap, that's how frustrated I am. :-(

I wanna get back to writing in here but if it's gonna take me more time to log in and figure out where on blogger.com I am then I don't know what to do!

Hello :-)

2009-01-31T23:24:00.010-06:00

Hi everyone, it's Gem here..again.
I can't believe the last time I was here was last year! (Nov. 2008) ...time flies so fast doesn't it?

I hope everyone had a nice holidays. It'll be Valentine day before you know it! January's done!

I know this is not much post, I'm planning on being active here as well as on Youtube and facebook.

I just signed up on facebook, very easy to connect with friends and family! You can post pictures, create videos..... so so much fun stuff to figure out and do. Unfortunately, I tried many times to add the link here, but it won't go through..I have yet to figure that out...the Youtube link is very easy to go to, it's on my "Favs" links ....hope to see you all there! :-)

I still love personal blogging because it's the way we communicate with each other, through our writings.

Until then...
hugs :-)

links???

2008-11-04T22:47:00.009-06:00

....the blogger links & what not..ummm confusing. After I posted, there are editing needed, I'm figuring out what link & where...I think I just clicked on following my own journal..?

oh geez... LOL! :-D

:-)

2008-11-04T21:47:00.011-06:00

My [new] 2nd post here...I'm really excited. I have so much to say about my '88 summer happenings... but geez...we're only about 7 weeks to go before Christmas? Where did the time go? ) scratching my head here) :-)

I hope you all had a wonderful Halloween. My kids enjoyed it specially my youngest son. He got tired not long after from walking, then later (about 8 pm) he wants to go back out there ToT. We told him it's late already. The funny thing was he wanted a gummy bear, been asking for it to have along with his lunch. Of course, it keeps slipping my mind even when I got a bag of candy for Halloween. He came home with one and said" I've waited my whole life for this Halloween to get a gummy bear!" ...that boy is "dramatic" LOL!

I missed you all, and I know I did not keep up for a loo-oo-ong time on AOL. I'm very glad to received notices from concerned journalers, alerting me of changes-- letting me know I need to get into action or I'll lose ALL my posts. :-)

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you.

I'm working part time at a retail store and hours were cut waaay down the last two months. It was dissapointing because I am counting that check for holiday presents for my 3 kids.
One college, one high school, and one at elementary school.
I was getting 10 hours a week for three weeks :-( and today, I left a note saying:
Management- if you need xtra help for the next 3 days, please consider me, & before I left, I was told to come in another day. ..so it does help.

I'm working on getting use to my new blog home--checking posts and still following everyone (yap, I'm still out...looking for you!) LOL! :-D

I can go on and on and on and on... :-D but I want to visit/read what you been up to lately.

I'm on my way,
Gem :-)

ok..that was easy...

2008-10-27T22:45:00.009-05:00

.....I seriously thought I'm going to have a hard time saving ALL my beloved entries, post, well--journals from the past.
AOL was nice (?!) to make it easy on me/us to move from there to here.

Ok...I'll make it short..

I missed you.
Gem :-)

it's vacay time!

2008-04-20T07:48:00.000-05:00

nope, I don't mean out of town. :-)

...............................just from Jland.

My house needs me, my mind screams at me and my body is crying to me..

My heart is telling me to start being proactive again---physically, emotionally and mentally.

Take care Jland dears.

Gem :-)

I'm LIVE! on YouTube!

2008-04-16T14:35:00.000-05:00

{I've taken this video off of youtube ;-) I'll post one again maybe something about gardening...} [not sure when though...]

I decided to give YouTube a try again....this time it's me saying Hi! to all of you. ;-)

When you have the chance, here's the link to hear me talk [and yeah, see my real face too!] :-D

here's the link-->Oh, my goodness! I did it! I'm LIVE! on YouTube!

(I embedded the youtube video three times but it still won't show up here on AOL, the link is broken for some reason...)

Question..

2008-04-13T21:32:00.000-05:00

This headline {as soon as I open my aol browser} caught my attention, clicked on it and this is what I read.

-----> What's Your Work Number?

Do you agree with this? I am not so sure about this work number stuff...company like this makes it easier for scammers and online thief to steal someone else identity and/ or give out inaccurate info.

Tags: identity thief, scam, what's your take?

My very 1st utube home video

2008-04-12T16:25:00.000-05:00

{I've taken this video off of youtube ;-) I'll post one again maybe something about gardening...} [not sure when though...]

........it's blurry when looking at it in utube...hopefully I'll figure out how to make it look clearer next time..in the meantime--here's a small quick peek into my home :-)

LOL.....I watched this here in my journal and it "sounds" like one of those silent movie LOL! :-D

link here --> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a_uQg0C27jw

Tags: youtube home videos, new, quick peek, inside my home

the 5 questions-

2008-04-11T10:35:00.000-05:00

.....I'm answering because I've been tagged!

Thanks Bethe & Lori :-)

QUESTIONS

1. WHAT WHERE YOU DOING TEN YEARS AGO?

I was working part time out of home and taking care of my kids.

2. WHAT ARE 5 THINGS ON MY TO-DO LIST TODAY?

My priority #1 is to get all clean clothes folded and put away.

Organize a cabinet that is a space for plastic, disposable wares.

Clear the kitchen counter of junk/messes that accumulated throughout the week (ugh!)

3. SNACKS I ENJOY:

Yoplait yogurt Strawberry flavor.

Fiber One chewy bars

Cheese Doritoes

Fruits

Cake

4. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU WERE A BILLIONAIRE?

If I were a billionaire? hmnn..well, if I am I guess I would not have to worry about paying bills and all that because it'll be taken care of way in the beginning. But when I win a billion lotto then first thing I'm gonna do is:

pay off of ALL/every single bills I have for sure.

Then, put more than enough money away for my kids so they'll be comfortable and so will the next generation.

Buy the whole family a brand new car.

Buy my dream home with acres of land.

Invest it.

Help both sides of the family.

Help relatives.

Donate money to the churches and charities.

Adopt 2-3 poor children from another country.

Help friends that are deserving of it.
( I know, --sound harsh....but I have my own reasons.] :-)

Meet fellow jlanders-- lodging, travels,meals, sightseeing/tours are on me of course :-D

See the world...travel, travel and travel.

5. BAD HABITS:

Proscrastinate
Impatient with people who are impatients themselves (yap..that's me!) :-)

Tags: about me, habits, billionaires, to do lists, 10 years ago, charity

just 4 fun!

2008-04-05T21:24:00.000-05:00

I was actually trying to take latest picture of me to put on my sidebar.....but the flash took over my face! LOL!

and this one..... turned out reddish/oranges and blurry.

......quess which one I picked for the sidebar?

:-)

btw, the date on the 1st pic was wrong, I had to adjust the timestamp on my camera....I took both of this pictures around the same time/day.

Funny pics!

2008-04-05T19:29:00.000-05:00

These pics are SO cool! I just had to take this pictures and tell you all our adventure and what we feast our eyes on the highway!

On the way to Chambersburgh, PA,...my husband pointed out this moving vehicle ahead of us-- where it looks like there's a guy in the back working. It took a few second for me to realized it was an ad!

******here's one more....

This is an ad for a discount mart!
It did looked like a a real truck, but it is actually a cut-out-ad billboard of a truck for a discount mart.

Cool isn't it?? :-)

Tags: cool, cut out ads, billboard truck, on the go chef, adventures, highway

The Holy Water

2008-04-05T19:17:00.000-05:00

This is my favorite pics and spot from the Grotto. I actually drink some!
*Our lady Of Perpetual Help*

The pic on the left are of my kids taken at
The National Shrine of Mother Elizabeth Ann Seton
.....unfortunately, her home was closed for the tour that Monday...
though we tried to peek through windows but it was too coo-old!
We went to the Basilica church instead where we missed the 1:30 pm mass.
I enjoyed looking and admiring the church and its beautiful sculptures.

Easter pics 8

2008-04-05T19:10:00.000-05:00

Inside the Basilica church is the sculpture
of St. Elizabeth Seton St. Theresa at The Grotto

National Shrine Grotto of Lourdes, Mt. St. Mary's

Tags: St. Elizabeth, St. Theresa, Basilica, church

Easter pics 7

2008-04-05T18:56:00.000-05:00

National Shrine Grotto of Lourdes, Mt. St. Mary's

Jesus at The Cross......the details on these scupltures are amazing!

My camera have this features where you can "blur" or fade the background.
Tags: camera, features, details, sculptures

Easter pics 6

2008-04-05T18:10:00.000-05:00

These pictures were taken at---
The National Shrine Grotto of Lourdes; Mt. St. Mary's.(link)

St. Mary & St. Joseph Mother Of Sorrows

Do U see?

2008-04-05T18:05:00.000-05:00

I took this picture on the way to Chambersburg, PA. As I look closely, I realized there's some kind of figure lurking......Do you see it?

Let me know :-)

Easter pics 4

2008-04-05T17:58:00.000-05:00

Pics were taken at the National Shrine Grotto of Lourdes; Mt. St. Mary's

My sons at The Grotto.

mom in law, hub, daughter, sons. My Family. :-) [that's me behind my oldest, naturally talented son.]

Tags: family, me, mom, grotto

Easter pics 3

2008-04-05T17:50:00.000-05:00

...my "golden" daughter and the Virgin Mary statue behind her.....
[she wanted me to write golden)

Tags: National Shrine Grotto of Lourdes, Mt. St. Mary's

Easter pics 2

2008-04-05T17:45:00.000-05:00

This statue is erected by the hallway/foyer, right before you get inside the main
Basilica church.

Tags: Basilica church, angel, Jesus, lighted candle

To Lift A Nation

2008-04-05T17:42:00.000-05:00

....sharing pictures taken while staying at Chambersburg, PA.

HUGE Statue of Firefighters erecting the US flag,
National Fire Academy in Emmitsburg.

"To Lift A Nation" ..a memorial.
Three firemen raised a flag at ground zero in silent tribute to those brave firefighters
who answered the call. This noble flag is raised permanently in honor of those heroes
and all who serve this great nation.
May God continue to bless America!
Sculptor: Stan Watts

The statue was Amazing! to look at....
The flag is real cloth.

Tags: heroes, memorial, fire academy, emmitsburg, awesome, amazing

I'm baaack!

2008-03-31T20:18:00.000-05:00

LOL..you probably didn't even know I was gone LOL.

Well, my dears, I was gone for a ...... full 7 days, to Chambersburg, PA., anybody live nearby? Cause next time I come up there, I might just visit you, if you allow me or wants to. (No, I won't stalk ya!) LOL. :-D

but, oh boy! it was cooo-old up there! But I did went for a walk with my sister in law for two days straight, and I walked by myself for another two days straight (she has to go back home after Easter weekend.)

That is where we spent our Easter weekend, and also stayed there for days to help my mom-in-law. It was not easy when it came time to leave-- my husband was really sad to leave her, because she is alone now, but she have lots of friends who constantly checks on her, so far, she's doing fine.

The first thing I did when I got back to my home oh so sweet home? I ran to Walmart (well, actually, I drove to get there) and got me some flowers to plant LOL! Then I got a call from my part time work from a co-worker who needed her shifts covered, so I came to her rescue yesterday (Sunday.)

Then today, I worked in my yard, and I'm so glad I did. So most of the front yard is done. I planted Marigold seeds, which are sooo easy to grow. I cannot wait to do my backyard. I love to garden.

ok...I'm off to read journals... 'cause I miss 'ya all.

BIG HUGS,
Gem :-)

Peek-A-Boo!!

2008-03-07T18:00:00.000-06:00

---- now u see me.... :-)

Hi Jland friends,

Been lazy these past two weeks (or has it been a month??), hardly did anything done around the house, even though I'm only working one day out of the week at the retail store, BUT! my husband painted the living room GREEN! (Guacamole green, c68-4, an Olympic paint brand at Lowe's) oohh it is soo nice! It turned out well. Next project is to paint my kitchen yellow which would be Butterfly Bush, b11-2, Lowe's Olympic brand also....hopefullly to get it done before my daughter's senior graduation in June.

(oh, I had to use the pink color for the yellow font because I could NOT see/read the yellow!) :-D

Our Kenmore fridge broke early in the fall last year, and a nice friend lent us their garage fridge for a while until we are able to afford to buy a new one. The compressor of the Kenmore fridge we previously have stopped working, we bought this fridge at Sears in 2002. We called them to fix it and even though it was still in the warranty, they told us that we have to pay them, for the technician to come look at it and tell us what was wrong even though we already told the Sears person that we know what is wrong with it, they said they don't work that way, that they have to send their guys over.Then they'll order the parts, which we have to pay PLUS labor! geez...that's how they make money, they'll talk you into buying "warranty" when you first bought the item and when it comes time to enforce the warranty, it doesn't cover what was suppose to be covered!) so, the way to go was to buy a new one, which was better and no, we did not get them at Sears at all.

Well, on the good side, we indulge ourselves to a HUGE brand new 60" inch tv. I went out and got a wall unit for that tv, I've always wanted to have an entertainment center and I got it about a couple weeks ago. Maybe that's why I haven't done much (except spend money??) :-D sure, yeah....thanks to taxes.And now we're getting the one in September which will be in time for the holiday shopping. Hmnn.....always find reason to spend money huh? :-)

Anyway, I'll be taking pictures of my newly painted and dressed living room sometime soon. I've gotten a few wall art/pictures collections off ebay a while back and just needed some really nice frames to put it and then hang it on the wall.

I have more to say, but I've got to make shrimp fried rice, husband's wish, for dinner. I'll be back again tonight online.

See ya!
:-)

F Y I

2008-02-28T10:33:00.000-06:00

Below is the schedule for the mailing of the upcoming tax rebate checks............

*The check is in the mail* <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />
*Week*	*Last 2 digits of your SSN*	*Receive your check by week of*
1	00 - 09	July 23
2	10 - 19	July 30
3	20 - 29	August 6
4	30 - 39	August 13
5	40 - 49	August 20
6	50 - 59	August 27
7	60 - 69	Sept. 3
8	70 - 79	Sept. 10
9	80 - 89	Sept. 17
10	90 - 99	Sept. 24

.....and I haven't even done my taxes yet......Have you?

If you missed Monday's episode of "Moment Of Truth" game show....
here's the link:

---> Sometimes there are things better left unsaid.... <----

Tags: Lauren, IRS, Tax rebates

Ouch!!

2008-02-13T14:35:00.000-06:00

I'm hard of hearing and (link--> THIS <--link) sound hurts my hearing even more!

LOL!!! :-D

stuffed...um..

2008-02-06T21:15:00.000-06:00

Did any of you watched the game show tonight called: "The Moment Of Truth"

OMGOSH!!!!

...........a guy contestant just lost $10,000 over not answering truthfully about a "stuffed" underwear!

WHO on earth stuff their underwear??!

I did felt sorry for that guy though, earlier, he answered truthfully about not proposing to his girlfriend because of lack of means (financial) ...now he really doesn't have any money.

poor guy...

me? on that "Moment Of Truth" seat? oh my..I'll be popping anxiety pills while the questions are being asks...then depression pills after the show!

LOL! :-D

so far, my favorite contestant was the very first guy on that seat, he is sooo honest! .......it's on again next week!

The Device

2008-01-30T01:00:00.000-06:00

[link]--> I just read Indigo's latest entry she posted for Judith's contest.

Halfway into reading her entry, I was star-strucked. I had to read it twice to realized/understand that what I am reading was an entry about a device I, myself, loathed and deemed it "hideous and an embarrassment to wear in public." Yet, here's an entry from a person who sees the device as a "nurturing tool."

This particular entry made me asked myself:

"How did I missed the real beauty of this device from 20 years ago until now? How did I ever let myself become blinded because of others ignorance, from all the possibilities this "nurturing tool" can bring?"

Thanks to her entry. Her appreciative words over this miraculous hearing tool helped me open my heart and mind.

My hearing is deteriorating. My last hearing checked up was in 1997. Yet, this memory is so vivid as if it is just happening at the moment--- the exact words of this lady ear doctor after she finished testing my hearing were..."you have a nerve hearing loss and overtime it will get worse as you get older. There's is no surgery for this kind of hearing loss. There's nothing that can be done."

My young family was with me. As my husband drove us all home, I cried all the way. I was mad at the world and everyone, hated myself and blamed HIM. "Why me? Why this have to happened to me? oh God..please do not let this happen to my children. I don't want them to feel what I feel or go through what I go through because of this unforgiving, shameful disability..."

I never went back to have my hearing check again. I gave up on that fact about my hearing issues. I let the diagnosis overpowered what I can really do or what I could have become. I unconsciously allowed myself to became content to be seen as a "very shy person"...though inside---I love to be with people, love parties, love to go out and love to have good fun. Back then though, I didn't really fully read lips or learn to use sign language. But I soon started to used my other senses to make up what my hearing cannot do. I unconsciously started hearing others through their "body language" that developed to a full blown distrusts of their actions that only my eyes can see.

My emotions goes where and what my eyes can see.

Incidents like people laughing while I'm at a distance or where I can only hear "mumbles" (even though they're talking on the normal level that they can hear) made me jumped into conclusions that they're laughing at or talking bad about me. I unconsciously slowly started to distance myself to the point I ended up working alone on a variety of jobs for seven years.

I would hear ringing in my ears as the years go by. Sometimes I hear it more often than usual. More than half the times, I don't hear that disturbing noises. But everytime I do reminds me that I'm very slowly losing my hearing---the more I did not want to face it.

I have the hearing device...to help me hear a little more of my world. I despised it and have always been embarrassed to use it in public. The earliest diagnosis was when I was in high school.

The first time I used it felt like a whole new world opened to me, I can hear the whole world around me. I was smiling that I can hear more, that I can hear the people whispering or talking low, and was so delighted when I realized I can hear the phone ringing from the other room!

But somehow, that euphoric experienced did not last for me.

The closest friend in Sophomore years I knew and counted on, taunted me and laughed at me when they saw what was behind my ear. Before I could explain that I'm not totally deaf but have a partial hearing loss, they'd gasped & exclaimed: "You're deaf?!" as young, naive and vulnerable as I was, I didn't know how to answer or what to say---I didn't understand why they were asking...all the reactions that registered to my mind were the look on their faces and the loud taunting of laughing and pointing to my ear as if it was a shame to be seen wearing a hearing device.

I didn't immediately had anyone to go to, to talk to about my broken hope and hurt feelings of being laughed at because I was wearing a hearing aid. My mom was no help, she never knew what it felt like to me that day. I couldn't talk to her. She was so busy struggling to raise me and my sister trying to keep a roof over our head. I was raised to understand her first and what she was doing for us. But I cannot come to her to help me understand about the kind of people I just encountered.

I knew what the hearing device can do. It does wonders to people like me. But I was already shamed very early on because of it. In the coming days, I'd wear it in hiding but the wind always blew my hair off the side and the device would be open for everyone to see...and unsuspecting kids my age would questions of what it is and why.

Those moments made me realized that I have a personal issues that I'd rather not share or explain to anyone...but I never knew what to say to them or more perhaps, didn't know how to defend myself from lurking eyes.

I decided that it is embarrassing that I have hearing loss. That I dare not wear hearing device again if I want my "friends" not to laugh at me.

This miraculous device took a backseat from then on. I got a new one in my mid-twenties which I slightly used because I still carried the scar of shame. Then in 2000, as I was starting to understand the importance of the hearing device for my sake and my family, I started to used it sparingly and slowly convinced myself that wearing it is for my own good.

But a 2003 4th of July evening celebration turned into hatred of this device when a lady neighbor, walked up to me, self-invited herself to brushed my hair off of the side, lean to me and yelled to my ear and said: "which ear can't you hear?!" I was shocked, furious and humiliated in front of a crowd that I couldn't answer her. Feeling the stabbed in my heart, I didn't answer, smiled quietly and walked home.

That's when I finally put the hearing device to rest. I told myself I would never pick it up again.

Yet, it never stray far from my mind. I knew I have to use it someday. I didn't know how soon. But lately, I'm starting to wonder.

A few days ago, for the first time in years, I got a postcard invitation from the lady who took my hearing test. It was an invitation to see and test the latest hearing device. The smallest one that no one would even notice. It made me think about it.

Then I read Indigo's entry.

I swear while reading it, just felt like it was the device talking to me....finding its way for me to reconsider the benefits by understanding Indigo's entry, as if telling me what I have been missing all these years.

(Do you believe in fate, miracles or chances?)

I believe this is one of those.

I guess it's time to reconnect with this long lost friend and not take its company for granted anymore.

Thank you SO much, Indigo.

:-)

Tags: hearing aid, shame, device, laugh, benefits, tools, nurture, appreciation

tv shows

2008-01-23T19:48:00.000-06:00

I'm watching American Idol at the moment and after that, "The Moment Of Truth" game show is coming on tonight for the first time [Fox channel, 9pm Eastern Time]

I can't wait to see that...I have a feeling I'm gonna be sitting on the edge waiting to hear the contestant's answers.

Imagine, telling only the truth infront of the million viewers?

gosh...I'd melt!

LOL! :-D

The other shows I also love to watch are lined up in Discovery Health Channel-- [Diagnosis X, Trauma ER, Mystery Diagnosis, Code Blue.]

What are your favorite tv shows? :-)

Tags: american Idol, truth moment, tv shows, viewers, favorite

weird...

2008-01-17T12:06:00.000-06:00

I slept in today and dreamt.

In my dream, I have some of the people I know (family, relatives) and met new ones (friends) around me or in my dream. I was happy and conversing with them. One new friend told me to just jump below and enjoy the pool (she said: "jump into the pool!..it's gonna be fun!")
I was feeling afraid to jump because I was afraid I'm going to hurt or break my feet upon landing (from atop, a few feet high that look further but not too high that I cannot see the pool) what was coming through my mind (while dreaming) was a feeling/thought of "I'm going to hit the ground instead and break my feet bones to pieces then I won't be able to walk."
Even though I was feeling scared, I took the jump, and it felt like a "looong" jump (no, it didn't felt like "flying"..it felt like hitting the bottom feet first) from where I started and then when I hit the bottom/ground I did not feel anything, my feet did not felt like it touches anything at all...except when I landed I saw that I landed not in the pool but on the ground overfilled with water coming from the pool, it was up past my ankle but not past the knee. In my dream, I felt surprised that I didn't hurt myself at all.

There were more "scenes" in this dream, but in the end, I felt happy or more like a feeling of satisfaction that I didn't hurt myself and that I'm enjoying a company.

I am starting to think/believe that we do have past life. Why then would we "see" things, people, scenes, "feel" feelings in our dreams?

{oh it's in color too. The color of the ground was light blue, stripes, it was tiles, there were brown colors, [I didn't see the color of my clothes,] but I saw the other's...there was a trash bag, teddy bear, I was driving a car (having fun and looking forward to my destination which was the company at the pool)...}

weird....interesting.....

anyway, I'm going to work in about half hour..and I don't feel like it..ugh! so much for enjoying the company in my dream.

:-)

The Tale Of The Missing Entries

2008-01-15T12:48:00.000-06:00

no, AOL, for once, is not playing trick on me. It was my computer's cache......my previous entries are still here. So, for once, I'm not going to blame AOL :-D

Anyway.......

I'm off today. Went to bed at 3 am last night....was too tired to get up this morning, too cold outside..and me being lazy, my 5 yr old missed his school this morning.
(I know--shame on me.)

But he didn't mind..he is happily playing with his Transformers.

We both had waffles for lunch and he wants me to make rice for dinner.

I just remembered that earlier, while I was still laying in bed half awake, I started to think "gosh..I gotta get up and feed my son...." and he walked in with one piece of bologna on a plate..I'm like.."aww.... geesh....my son is helping himself and learning to survive on his own" at 5 years of age. *grin* :-)

I must be doing good. :-D

I have not been out to malls or outlet since after the holidays just to walk around, browse, or window shop. I'm off this Saturday and that is what I'm planning to do. I still have some things I have to return/exchange from Christmas gifts..I just want to get that one done and over with. But, if I'm ask to come to work, most likely I will do that.

I woke up today, with no cell phone and no car.

My 2 older kids took advantage of my sleepiness this morning.

My 17 y.o. daughter took my van and my 13 y.o. son took my cell phone.

.......and my 5 y.o. is playing hooky.......thanks to me.

Wait 'till my conservative husband find out.

Ugh!

...................it's obviously not greener on this side today.......eh?!

Yours got to be better.
Gem :-)

:-)

2008-01-13T19:53:00.000-06:00

I was off this weekend from work although the manager did called me if I wanted to work both days....I could have, but I chose to enjoy the weekend by cleaning, dusting and organizing my bedroom.

My time was well worth it.

I've read a couple inspiring entries today --about weight loss..so once again...I'm gonna start taking care of myself, not just emotionally but also physically.

I'm going to be working 5 days this week, so I'll be stopping by Jland's any chance I get.

In the meantime, have a wonderful week.

Gem :-)

The Girl In The Memory Lane

2008-01-10T00:48:00.000-06:00

As she lay there listening to the quiet of the night,
Her mind wondered to the Memory Lane.
Visions of chaos quickly filled her mind,
Along with the echoes of abundant screaming.

The chaos was pulling her in every direction,
And found herself lost on her own reflection.
There, she stared at herself all tall and grown,
In a body deprived of her own personalities.

By now, her memories are halfway in its track...
Refusing to stop even when she cried out with a big sigh.
She looked ahead and dig deeper
She got herself through and saw what was there.

There on the step of stairs, sits a little girl
Hiding beside a wall that protects her
The pain is freshly marked on her body
Tortured by a soul who is blinded by its own shadow.

Came down the stairs were a concerned man...
Who turned to the little girl and said:
"My heart goes out to you, young one...moving away maybe the best thing for you."
The pains of her broken heart lingered as she continued to cry....
Instinctively carved the man's words into her fragile mind.

She felt the stabbed spirit of the little girl,
Then saw the little girl prayed for the lost soul
And the little girl continued by asking HIM
to carry her.....through the burden of unimaginable pain.

As she lay there staring at the darkness of the room,
The chaos in her mind slowly subsides...
She closed her eyes and stepped out of the Memory Lane...
But not without taking the Little Girl with her.

Journally yours,
Gem :-)

A BIG Thank You! :-)

2008-01-09T01:01:00.000-06:00

but first....

wow...today/tonight was the first time I sat in front of the computer and read and read and read and.......read!

............................and I'm not even done.

hmmnnnn.....

I think reading journals are like house cleaning......

.......................................................it never ends!

LOL!! :-D

anyway......

Thanks for being there for me through my journal and thanks for allowing me to be part of your journey through your journal.

Hugs,
Gem :-)

The Road To "it"

2008-01-05T21:54:00.000-06:00

but first...Krissy of Sometimes I think... is this weeks Guest Editor and my journal is one of her picks for the week.

Thank You So much Krissy :-)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I had a very unpleasant childhood.....but the aftermath didn't set in until after my second child was born (undiagnosed postpartum, depressions..and all that dark stuff that came with it) I was abused but I didn't know it or realized it until after I got married and have a family of my own.

I remember when we were still living with my in-laws...she (mom-in-law) had a concern about how I'm going to handle my new child. I didn't understood at that time why she was very concern about me..it was later on I'd realized why..because of my upbringing. As I look back now, my first child and only daughter suffered the consequences of my past....luckily I have a husband who's upbringing was totally different from mine..so my children learned to love unconditionally, and my husband was able to shelter them from me when I started to go "downhill."

I thought I knew "Love" but I really didn't know what it is all about it until I met my husband and his family. I really saw a different side and learned the new meaning of what love and family is. It was not about abuse, favoritism, scandals, working two jobs so I can give her my hard earned money because she "raised me" and embarrassment in front of public (my mom would yell at me and slap me in crowded places).....her ways was the only "world" I knew until I met my husband.

My children are doing great. They have more understanding and knowledge of what's going on around them, way more than what I knew growing up. All I knew then was that you cannot have fun because you'll get beat up with belt by your parents. In my elementary years, there were times I'd walk to school with no slippers on (or sandals/flip-flops-- whatever you want to call it.) My early high school years, my mom would wake me up at 2 am so I can go with her and find things or make food to sell on the streets hence making me miss my school. I was brought up to know that making ends meet was more important than going to school.

When I came here in US, my mom would tell me to "change the date" of the year I was born so I can get a job which I did at Mcdonalds (but the mgr there knew how old I was but back then, I was old enough to work at fast food [14 years old was legal as long as I got a work permit]....not sure if that is still ok today.)

From my first job to my last job before I got married I'd give her ALL the money I earned from working because she would tell me constantly that she brought me up to this world and raised me therefore I "owe" her my life. When I started dating, Joe [who is my husband now] would asked me why I give her my money I told him because she wants it and that I have to. I can remember the puzzled and slight shock look on his face, which back then I didn't understood.

The day I got married she came to the house where I was getting ready, called me in her car then acted as if she was goingto give me a "gift" but as soon as I reached for it, she let go causing it to fall on the ground and broke to pieces followed with her wishing my marriage to be "badluck" and before taking off, she told me that I'm "dead" to her from that day on. I allowed her to break my heart on a supposedly a very special day by letting what she had done upset me and cried before my wedding.

Still, she would have the nerve to come around later when I was pregnant with my first child (whom she NEVER acknowledged) , knock on my door to tell me to get some money from the account my husband and I have together and give it to her, I told her I have to ask my husband in which she told me that I don't have to tell him anything. It was that time that I "saw"that something is not right with her telling and making me do something like that. The light bulb switched that day.

I started a new life and moved with my new family thousand miles away. It would be many more years later before I'd "see" or realized that a lot of the things that she'd done to me were abusive. Having children brought out the "imbalanced" in me where I slowly went into depression. But no one in the family could tell. My symptoms were subtle and was a very slooow process yet not subtle enough to my sister-in-law who happened to be a nurse. She mentioned something to the family because on one occasion, I told my husband, I wanted/needed him and kids to go away because I just wanted to be alone (he said ok and went to my in-laws for the weekend who by this time were a few hundred miles away.) When Joe came back, he told me what his sister's thought- that I might be depressed, I didn't know what depression is at that time so I just shrugged my shoulder..and so did my husband.

That was the beginning of many more desires to be alone. By the time the third child arrived, I was on a sleeping mode. As soon as the older kids come home from school, I'd go to bed, lock the door and stay there. I remember thinking and feeling I didn't want to deal with "it" ...that I just wanted to be alone or I just wanted to "go away." I didn't want to deal with anything and anybody.

I just wanted to be alone.

My oldest child,with the help of her brother, would get the baby from the crib that was in my bedroom and take care of him for me until daddy gets home. They knew I didn't want to be disturbed. I'd get by weekdays and weekend with this routine that later on, my daughter would suspect of me having a depressions and tried to tell her dad but because it became a "normal" routine for me, my husband didn't see beyond that. Though He'd come home upset/disappointed because it was another day of not doing laundry or nothing gets done around the house and dinner is scarce. Yet, I will have moments where I feel like I can do anything and things get cleaned up, straightened up and organized around the house.

Then, back to sleep mode.

2007--a year in review--

2007-12-31T21:46:00.000-06:00

Coming right behind us, in less than two hours, is a New Year. What the New Year in store for us-- we'll know, feel, see, touch and figured out throughout its year. The ending of December 31st, is what's written on a calendar we follow through as leaving everything behind and start anew. I'm not alone to think about what had happened in the past year and wonders what the new year has for me.

-----------------------------------------------------------

As of today, I realized that I'm starting to feel what I'm really like. I'm more outgoing and personable. Yesterday at work, it strucked me that I can't believe that I can actually be a people person. For a long time, I used to always just wanted to be left alone, not be around people and satisfied to work by myself. Now, I'm almost the first to struck a conversation-even with a stranger. I guess working in a retail store where I have to give a pleasant customer service helped me in a way. I also think that knowing what my mood disorder is, what triggers it and taking the right amount of medication to help lessen the symptoms all played an important part to the healing of my well-being.

I remember being naive and ignorant about people with mental disorders. Yes, I was one of those people who judged them even though the truth was I never even knew what it was like for them [until I stepped into their shoes.] I was also not a "fan" of taking medication when it was first offered to me (year 2000), I refused to take it then and went along with other kind of therapy. Which worked for a while (reading self-help books, meetings with therapist, hypnotist..anything that didn't involve medication.) I soon quit after a few sessions because I was feeling good "already." But soon after my third child was born, I quickly went downhill again, I knew what was happening because I would have crying spells--but I was too embarrassed to go back to my therapist because I thought I should be better. I thought once was enough and that I should've been healed. It took me FOUR years to muster up the strength and get over my self-denial to let my husband know what was going on with me.

He was there with me from day one.

Looking back, I don't know how on earth he and my two older kids got by with me with all those dark-hellish-depression years coupled with my up and down mood swings. Even so, my inner-transformation couldn't happen overnight. Starting in early spring of 2006-I would go through a turbulent transformation. But this move is the one that would pushed me on my way to a better self......internally.

Fast-forward to early 2007- a time where it tested my inner strength and values..all because of friendships. This is when I took myself away from harmful people--it almost cost me my life-but the true love that was really there for me was my family--who held me closer than they ever did and hold on to me as long as they could. My in-laws, my husband, my children, my sister, bestfriend and a very few-numbers of online friends that I grew to trust overtime through communications by emails, snail mails and personal journals. The thought of these very special people and love ones contributed to my inner self-healing.

Thank you so much. I'm still here. :-)

Tonight, as I sit here and contemplate about the past and the future, I realized just as much as I've learned that the New Year is not just about "resolutions." For me, it's about everything. It's about the person that I am. It's about the choices I've made and those that I will make. Sure, I can sit down here and say, "hmmnn..let me write my resolution-like--become a better person.." Well, one of the things I learned in life in 2007 was you can start a "brand new you" anytime of the year. There are life-changing events that we can't control, like death of a love one or birth of a new child. Death is traumatic, specially if it's sudden...one may find him/her self suddenly alone..., while birth of a new baby totally changes one's lifestyle--like buying for more and trying to divide time for everything.

Well, for facts, my 2007 year did not started off "right" as I "almost decided to go." But, quess it was not my time yet because I was able to see a light at the end of a tunnel. And when I came out on that side, things sure were so much brighter. By midsummer, I got a job at a retail store, where I'm still currently working at, which is surprising because back when--I couldn't hold down a job for more than three months without leaving abruptly. On our way to PA for my father-in-law's funeral, I got called for another part time job to work over the holidays-so I was working two part-time jobs [at the same mall] working 8-12 hours a day, up to six days a week which is unlikely of me in the past..but I managed through [on top of the holiday frenzy!]

Late in 2007 brought a sour note for my husband's family--the passing of his father. But the support of those who knew him and everyone who loved him helped my mother-in-law get through this difficult time. His passing had a tremendous effect on me in that I'm appreciating my husband and my kids more. I feel more forgiving of my past childhood I endured from my "mother dearest," and everyday that I see/look at his picture reminds me of how precious life truly is. I'm reminded to enjoy my life on earth, love my family and cherish my friends because I'm living on a borrowed time.

Tonight, I'm celebrating the coming of New Year with Josef and Dana (my other son is spending the new year with his closest friend) and my husband is working the night shift. Tomorrow I'm gonna wake up to a houseful of chores: laundry, sweep and mop, taking the tree down/& holiday decorations outside, trying not to forget that every moment is a snapshot in life you can't take back once it's lost-so I grab all the opportunity I can get to spend time with my family--all these to do in a frame called "time" that has an ending yet infinite.

I don't have a written resolution for the coming year. What I have is what I've already learned in 2007, what has become of me, and what I'll make the best of [new year] because of these memories.

2008!

2007-12-31T19:30:00.000-06:00

Dear Jlanders,

Wishing you and yours a better, happier, productive, prosperous ~and~ memorable 2008 year!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

* 2008*

:-)

Wishing You All a Joyous Christmas

2007-12-23T20:00:00.000-06:00

:-)
Gem~

Happy Holidays!

2007-12-14T22:23:00.000-06:00

Hi everyone!

............just wanted to let you all know I'm still here :-)

I took two part time jobs over the holidays near my home (outlet stores) so I've been busy and coming home tired with achy feet..other than that I'm doing great mentally!

I've decorated for the holidays and my youngest son is very excited about Santa (he's 5 years old.) My daughter got accepted to USC (University of SC.) She makes me SO proud! She's going for 4-yr nursing program so she can take care of me when I get old..
:-)

My husband have his moments whenever he remembers about his dad being gone (my father-in-law who recently passed away last month) Everyone's pulling together and recuperating from the sadness it brings..it's harder this time of year because it is Holidays.

I'm sorry I haven't been by anyone's journal..but....I'll pop up anytime soon!

Sending my Hugs and wishing you all a Joyous holidays,
Gem :-)

Thank You

2007-11-18T22:47:00.000-06:00

Thank you to all who send prayers and warm thoughts our way. It is greatly appreciated.

My father -in-law was a good man. He was loved and appreciated by neighbors, friends, co-workers, and most specially by his family.

We will miss him dearly.

It had been very very tough on my mom-in-law and to all four kids, including my husband...but she's (mom-in-law) putting a brave front and told us her husband would want us all to be strong...more than ever.

again, Thank you so much and I wish you all a wonderful Thanksgiving to be shared and enjoy with by those you love.

Gem~

p.s.

when I announced the passing of my father-in-law, my family and I were on our way to Pennsylvania. That was Friday Nov. 9th, we got there about 3am Saturday morning. Viewing was on that Monday, Tuesday was funeral services, then Wednesday was burial.

I went home with my sister in law on Thursday which was about 7 hours drive to her home, then she took me and my youngest son home by Friday morning.

My husband and kids didn't get home until later that day.
(Friday, 11/16th)

I went back to work today and I'm doing.... sometimes good, sometimes ok.

--

2007-11-09T11:22:00.000-06:00

My Dear father-in-law passed away this morning.....unexpectedly.

Sleep apnea. He never woke up.

Yayy!! :-D

2007-11-01T00:20:00.000-05:00

it's November 1st-- as I'm writing this at 12:10 AM E.T.

I didn't get online until a few minutes before midnight cause I was watching Discovery health channel (something like that) and the show about obese people (400 lbs and up--to like 800 lbs!) made me get off the couch and exercise! (for like..10 minutes!)
:-) ....hey..I tried~

Then I got excited when I realized that it is officially November! That means....

Holidays is just around the corner!

We're broke but even though--the thought of holidays starting with Thanksgiving never cease to make me happy--I L O V E Christmas..the smell of cookies baking, the thick sweet juice (pineapple & brown sugar) of ham...singing along with christmas songs....the cool breeze in the air telling us winter is coming.

aahhh, I do wish I feel this GREAT every single seconds of my life.

But I don't.

so when I do, I cling to it and immerse myself with feeling of joy as long as I can.

and because I feel On tOp Of ThE wOrLd...I decided to do a......MeMe!!

& like Amy sez....it's better than nothin'!

check it out....oh, btw....I only posted the questions I like to answer :-)

1. Do you wear a name tag at work?
95 percent of the time. Everyone at work knows each other.

2. What kind of car do you drive?
Chrysler Town & Country minivan..

3. Have you ever had a garage sale?
two or three times in my lifetime..so far..

4. What color is your iPod? I don't own one.

5.. What kind of dog do you have? No dogs...

6. What's for dinner tonight?
Pizza from Costco (brought by couple friends who spent about 2 hours with us Trick or Treating in our neighborhood)

7. What is the last alcoholic beverage you had? I don't remember....

8. Stupidest thing you ever did with your cell phone?
....nothing though my kids and my husband drop theirs almost all the time!

9. Last time you were sick?
.......early this year.....& I'm still recovering from it..

10. How long is your hair? my hair is long--past my shoulder

11. Are you happy right now? ..at the time of writing this entry..yes. :-)

12. What did you say last? "kids--go to bed!!" (LOL!)

13. Who came over last?
a couple with one kid (friends from my husband's work)

14. Do you drink beer? yes..no particular favorites, I do like wine cooler a lot better than beer though......

15. Have your brothers or sisters ever told you that you were adopted? lol...no, but I always thought and felt I was because of how my mom treated me (but no, I'm not adopted)

16. What's your favorite key chain?.......dooney & bourke keychain

17. Who introduced you to Dane Cook? Who??!

18. Has someone ever made you a Build-A-Bear? No.
.
19. What DVD is in your DVD player? I don't know...I'm too lazy to check it out..

20. What's something fun you did today?
walk in the neighborhood with my 5 y.o. son going trick or treating..it was fun! :-)

21. What are you listening to right now?
the noise of the keys on my pc keyboard

22. Drinking? regular coke...

23. What is your favorite aisle at Wal-Mart? kitchen gadgets

24. When is your birthday? 10/07

25. Where did you buy the shirt you're wearing now?
I didn't buy it...it is one of my husband's white tshirt he wears to work (he got plenty!) :-)

26. What kind of milk do you drink? 2% or whole milk..

27. What are you going to do after this? go to sleep...

28. Who was the last person you went shopping with?
my daughter, I took her shopping for her costume, day before halloween

29. What is your favorite fruit? Mango

30. What about your favorite dessert? apple pie & apple strudel

31. What is something you need to go shopping for? my clothes.....

32. Do you have the same name as one of your relatives? no, my name was taken from a Miss Universe pageant back in the 60's

33. Do you like pickles? yes--Does relish count?

34. How about olives? no....

35. What is your favorite kind of juice? mango juice

36. Do you have any tan lines? nope....I don't need to get a tan,

37. What hospital were you born in? I was not born in a hospital, I was born in a home-- pulled by a midwife...

38. What are you going to be for Halloween? a deranged mother (like Amy) LOL.... :-D no, I didn't dress up for halloween.....

So, that's all folks..hope you enjoyed getting to know me just a li'l bit more!

As they say in the South.........Happy Fall Ya'll!! :-)

Tags: meme, November, Fall, holidays, broke, happy, thoughts, excited, :-)

Trick Or Treat! :-D

2007-10-28T23:20:00.000-05:00

It's that time of year again..grab some candy, leave your link so I can get mine from yours!
:-D

Tags: tick or treat, happy halloween, candy, costume

Halloween Tag is from Donna

Where Are My Fat Pants???!!!

2007-10-26T17:59:00.000-05:00

she's looking for it--(Kristie Alley)

http://video.aol.com/video-detail/where-are-my-fat-pants/2062061749

:-D

thanks!

2007-10-26T11:24:00.000-05:00

Thanks everyone for visiting me in my journal and for all the positive thoughts.

I'm feeling Ok...I actually just thought of those people who are affected by the CaLi witch fires and it made me feel a little 'selfish" for feeling this way when there are others who lost homes or sicker than me..so I'm trying to look at things/events like that so I won't be a downer.

All your previous and recent thoughts of positiveness helped me a lot.

Thank you so so much..and have a wonderful weekend!

....enjoy these inspiring quotes:

" It is reassuring to know that I can control how I feel and what I do on any given day. The way I choose to see the world, creates the world I see."
--- Joan Lunden

" When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive -- to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love."
---Marcus Aurelius

Gem :-)

:-(

2007-10-24T20:36:00.000-05:00

negative energy is lingering around....I don't want to go there so what should I do?

I am thinking --- sweep/mop the kitchen floor and living room floor (wood) then scrub the bathroom clean.

That's where I feel like releasing my negative energy.

hmmnn, maybe Russ can draw me a Pear that describes my feeling at the moment.....

*sigh* ......

Don't Quit..

2007-10-23T07:32:00.000-05:00

When things go wrong as they sometimes will;
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill;
When the funds are low, and the debts are high
And you want to smile, but have to sigh;
When care is pressing you down a bit-
Rest if you must, but do not quit.

Success is failure turned inside out;
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt;
And you can never tell how close you are
It may be near when it seems so far;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit-
It's when things go wrong that you must not quit.

"Don't Quit," Author Unknown

Wishing you well,
Gem :-)

Today.

2007-10-22T10:13:00.000-05:00

I feel good today. I'm hoping that I can help my husband clean the garage ..I'm still feeling my mood for that. I know I want to fold all the clean laundry and put it away because I have a new batch to wash again. I'm off from work tomorrow too and I'm hoping to go to the outlet mall and start buying xmas gifts little by little.

I'm starting to believe that my latest adjustment in 3-combo meds I'm now taking is finally working and helping me move forward throughout the day. I find myself thinking, visualizing and wanting to take action lately--things that I found too much to do before. So, while I'm feeling this way, I'll cherish and take advantage of it since I just never know when I'll crash again--going downhill is pretty unpredicatble for me, even I question that. I think I need to be aware of what triggers it.

A few days ago, I found myself wanting some motivation to help me start or keep going with my day. It's been a while since I've read self-help book and I feel like my soul is hungry for inspirational and motivating wisdom.

“If we are not happy and joyous at this season,
for what other season shall we wait and
for what other time shall we look?”

Abdul-Baha

"Be glad of life, because it gives you the chance
to love and to work and to play and to look up at the stars."

Henry Van Dyke
American Educator

My Daily Strength:(link) "Venuza"

Tags: daily strength, happy, quotes, today

Have a wonderful weekend :-)

2007-10-19T22:40:00.000-05:00

"This is the beginning of a new day. You have been given this day to use as you will. You can waste it or use it for good. What you do today is important because you are exchanging a day of your life for it. When tomorrow comes, this day will be gone forever; in its place is something that you have left behind...let it be something good." -Author Unknown-

"You must be the change you wish to see in the world.."
-Mahatma Ghandi

website

2007-10-17T12:50:00.000-05:00

I found an interesting website... http://dailystrength.org/

Habit

2007-10-17T12:38:00.000-05:00

What Your Halloween Habits Say About You

You're a friendly person, but not the life of the party. You like making someone else's day - and you'll dress up if you think of a really fun costume.
You definitely think of yourself as someone who has a dark side. And part of having that dark side means not showing it.

Your inner child is stubborn and a bit bossy. You fear those closest to you finding out who you really are. You dread people discovering your secrets.

You're logical, rational, and not easily effected. Not a lot scares you... especially when it comes to the paranormal.

You are picky and high maintenance. If you wear a Halloween costume, it's only when you really feel like it. And it has to be perfect.

What's Your Halloween Personality?

sick :-(

2007-10-13T03:14:00.000-05:00

I woke up an hour ago to a funny feeling in my stomach. I sat in the bathroom long enough to realized that I'm feeling very sick in my stomach and there's only 2 ways for it to come out: up or down.

I couldn't go back to bed even when I tried to because my stomach and flu-like feeling through-out my body was bothering me. So I was in and out of the bathroom waiting for something to happen. It must have been about 15-20 minutes later that I found myself facing the toilet puking with all my might everything I ate the night before.

eeww. :-(

Then I felt better. No more stomach pain.

I cleaned up after my mess.

But the flu-like symptoms is still lingering.

I tried to go back to bed but I couldn't go back to sleep even when I tried to closed my eyes harder. My mind started wondering with thoughts.

So I decided to write since I haven't done a good long post in a while.

When I was dignosed with BP earlier this year, it felt like a death sentence to me. When I was told about the diagnosis the first time, I did felt some relief feeling that now at least I know what's been going on with me. All these years of mood swings and depressions added up. The constant quitting of my work after only a few months because when something stressful comes up where I used to work, my way out was to leave abruptly. For five years I must've been back and forth with the same job at least 5-6 times. Miraculously, my manager keeps taking me back. The last time I quit and saw him a few months after I quit, he did asked me if I want to go back and for the first time I said no. Not long after that I had my mania and breakdown episodes that required for me to check into a rehabilitation in where I was finally dignosed with BP....so here I am with my situation today.

When I was at the rehab, the most important thing that I realized was that I am not alone. Never was.

For the first time, I felt connected with people there-- guys and gals of all ages. They have different stories that led them to where they are. Alcoholism, drug addiction, self-mutiliation, low self-esteem, isolation from human and social contact, inability to deal with responsibility and life's stress .

Both of my doctor & therapist thought it would be good for me to get checked-in. After about two weeks, I went back see them for a follow-up and we all agreed that they were trying to help me see this side of mental dysfunction caused by chemical-imbalanced.

Since I started taking anti-deprsd meds, one thing I gained from taking it was confidence in driving. I don't feel nervious or anxious driving. I also started to be myself more, not afraid to speak my mind to strangers. Since I started working four months ago, I don't get this feeling of agitation, hopelessness and irritability anymore. I am more aware of my feelings, behavior and attitude now.

So far so good at my work. I'm still there and have no thoughts of "walking out" (though I had thought of it once in my first three weeks of working there...) I like the people I work with and whenever I feel it is justified, I speak my mind at work. It also helped me that I have adult interaction, unlike when I was just staying home, I interacted mostly with cartoon shows. :-)

Well, I'd like to write some more..but I'm feeling sick again in my stomach.

Ugh...

Wishing you all well,
Gem

about me updates-(sidebar)

2007-10-05T16:29:00.000-05:00

it's October!

2007-10-05T16:01:00.000-05:00

....hanging around like an old friend here on my side of my now-so-totally-fixed pc. Been knocking on journal doors I find my way little by little. I'm Ok here though, so much to say but can't put the right words together, too much excitement in my nerves.

Still have bummed-out days but doing my best to see the positive side of it. One day, It'll all come together and I'll make an entry about it. For now, I'm enjoying visiting journal land.

Are you all ready for halloween? Anyone of you decorated already for tricks or treaters? I have my haloween display out...the only lacking is candy.

Weather here is rainy and gloomy. But I'm OK. Still smile every now and then.

Take care,
Gem :-)

P.S.
I am thinking about remodeling my "about me" sidebar, hmnn......

;-)

2007-09-27T16:33:00.000-05:00

....got home from work and computer was fixed by my dear hubby as soon as he received the hard disk in the mail ...so I'm back online Yayy!!
Gem :-)

:-)

2007-08-18T09:55:00.000-05:00

wow..how time flies! The last time I updated my journal was back in July 9th. And what date are we on now? August 18th (btw..tomorrow is my son's 5th bday--we're having a small family affair celebration.) Oh I miss miss miss you dear Jland!

I'm still working parttime at the clothing store down to 30 hours a week and less more once the kid starts school on the 27th of August. I will have a few days off that week to catch up on housework. I'm so ready for my kids to go back to school. I surely miss reading journals but I read a couple today where I found out Judith's Heartsong journal revived the Artsy Essay contest--that is so wonderful!

I've been keeping in touch with a few online friends through snail mail since my computer's been down the last time I updated. Yes! my computer is so totally crashed since then!
I need to send the old hard drive disk to get a new one...so not really sure when's that gonna happen (the fixing of my pc.) that is one of the reason I haven't updated and couldn't read many journals --my pc is crashed and burned! bummer....

Well, I'm at the library, sucks cause it is so limited time and it closes at 3 pm today, unlike when I have my pc at home, I can sign on & off anytime. So for now, a little sacrifice.

I hope things are well with you all dear Jlanders.

hugs,
Gem :-)

Hello

2007-07-08T20:20:00.000-05:00

....everyone! haven't been in Jland for almost a month now. I started a job at an outlet store a little over three weeks ago and been working almost 40 hours a week. After two weeks I realized fulltime hours are overwhelming for me so I asked to have my shcedule down to 4 days a week--which should start by next week. I'm going to have a long weekend off starting this Friday and won't be back to work until Tuesday next week because I have a wedding to go to this coming weekend in Charltotte, NC.

Anyway, I do miss you dear Jlanders, I haven't forgotten. Sometimes I'd be at work and my mind would wander here in Jland, wondering how things are with you all.

Also our pc crashed and didn't have access online for almost two weeks, so it finally got fixed few days ago. I worked today and working from 10 am until 7 pm tomorrow (yes! long hours!) but it gives me something to do and I get paid for it, sometimes the store is pretty empty that it feels so boring, but I try to tell myself: "hey! I get paid to feel bored!" LOL! (I feel bored at home too..so why not get paid for it??) LOL!

well, gotta visit jland in a few minutes...see what you guys been up to.

Wish you well,
Gem :-)

Hello :-)

2007-06-11T04:38:00.000-05:00

Here I go again..writing, posting and reading. I have been reading journals since 4 AM. I do like the new feature of AOL's entry alerts with the name of the journal showing, I find myself able to read most and catch up, though I did not leave comments to all journals that I've just read this morning. I just wish there's a way to know that I've visited and read them..maybe next time I'll just comment a "smiley" to let them know I've visited..Do you think that would be nice and appropriate?

I have been feeling OK to Good to Great lately...ups and down. Since coming home from the Lighthouse, I developed this feeling of anxiety and fear over going to sleep at night and over a medication. I've been doing a good job with meditation and self-assuring talk that all will be OK. Weird but that's how I feel as soon as 7 PM rolls around--meaning it's almost night and bedtime and for some reason I'd get anxiety and feeling of fear that I'm just not ready for the day to end.

My flower garden is doing well this year. The flowers from the seeds bloomed and they're actually bigger specially the flower Moss Rose, it's bigger this year-- maybe because I used the brand "Expert" to feed them..all in all it's a wonderful blooming garden for me this year --I look at it everyday... loving and enjoying the blooms.

I am also back in doing my beading jewelry and having fun with it also. I've made two necklaces and a few bracelets, also an anklet that I love to wear everyday..I'll take pictures and post it as soon as I can.

well, not much here for now. I'm getting wisdom and perspectives from reading other journals, so thank you Jland. I'll be back soon.

journally yours,
Gem :-)

Carved in Stone

2007-05-18T13:30:00.000-05:00

TWO   FRIENDS   WERE   WALKING
THROUGH   THE   DESERT.
DURING   SOME POINT OF   THE
JOURNEY,   THEY   HAD   AN
ARGUMENT;   AND   ONE FRIEND
SLAPPED   THE   OTHER   ONE
IN   THE   FACE.

THE   ONE WHO   GOT SLAPPED
WAS HURT,   BUT WITHOUT
SAYING   ANYTHING,
WROTE   IN   THE   SAND:

TODAY MY   BEST   FRIEND
SLAPPED ME   IN   THE   FACE.

THEY KEPT ON   WALKING,
UNTIL THEY   FOUND     AN   OASIS,
WHERE THEY DECIDED
TO   TAKE   A   BATH
THE   ONE WHO HAD BEEN
SLAPPED GOT   STUCK   IN   THE
MUD    AND   STARTED   DROWNING,
BUT   THE FRIEND SAVED   HIM.

AFTER HE   RECOVERED   FROM
THE   NEAR   DROWNING,
HE    WROTE   ON   A   STONE:

"TODAY   MY BEST FRIEND
SAVED   MY LIFE ".

THE FRIEND   WHO   HAD SLAPPED
AND   SAVED   HIS   BEST   FRIEND
ASKED   HIM,   "AFTER I HURT YOU,
YOU   WROTE    IN   THE   SAND   AND   NOW,
YOU   WRITE   ON   A   STONE, WHY?"

THE FRIEND   REPLIED
"WHEN   SOMEONE HURTS   US
WE SHOULD   WRITE IT   DOWN
IN   SAND, WHERE   WINDS   OF
FORGIVENESS   CAN   ERASE    IT AWAY.
BUT,   WHEN  SOMEONE   DOES
SOMETHING   GOOD   FOR US,
WE   MUST   ENGRAVE   IT   IN   STONE
WHERE   NO WIND
CAN EVER ERASE IT."

LEARN TO   WRITE
YOUR   HURTS   IN
THE   SAND AND   TO
CARVE   YOUR
BENEFITS IN   STONE.

Pictures 1, 2 & 3

2007-05-16T08:34:00.000-05:00

Pot of cloverleaf plants with pink flowers sprouting (by the front door/sidelight.)

Petunia flowers grown from seed thrown on the ground last year.

Pot of mixed Marigold and two-color Geranium.

Pictures 4, 5 & 6

2007-05-16T08:31:00.000-05:00

Petunia flowers w/ kids sculpture around a tree infront of the house.

The front yard

Pot of Moss Rose growing from seeds planted this year. .

MonDay!

2007-05-14T07:10:00.000-05:00

It's Monday! How was everyone's Mother's day? Mine was wonderful. I went to the mall and got a set of summer outfit for my youngest son and a set of outfit for my sister's upcoming baby, both sets from Gymboree..I LOVE that kid's store..The quality is real nice and last longer.

My daughter's gifts for me was a beautiful teacup from Starbucks and a book called "A Spoonful Of Sugar for Mothers," an inspirational book; then I got a card from my two sons, and a card from a cherished jland friend (Thank you M!) :-)

My wish list yesterday were to have my car clean, water the yard and a clean, clutter-free kitchen countertop. So when I got up from a morning nap, my wish lists was done so that made me feel proud of my family and I felt so relax.

Another things I got were three kinds of fabric and a pattern for shorts/capri pants. Altogether I spent $14.00 to make all three pants including the pattern, now that's what I called a wonderful deal! I cut up the pattern yetserday when I came home and can't wait to get all three done. I promise I'll take picture and post it up sometime.

Well, it is Monday again already! Time go by fast! it has only been a week since I sweeped and moped my kitchen and living room floor-- now I'm gonna do it all over again. But this time I want to add dusting a couple window blinds. My home has a total of 7 window blinds, the slats are 2-1/2 inches wide so I'm gonna damp-clean every single slats. last week, I was down on my knee wiping baseboards, today I'll sweep and mop the whole floors, do a couple load of laundry, clean the window blinds slats and dust the living room ceiling fan. I think I'll have enough to do until 2 pm....before my youngest son comes home from school.

I'm having fun being back in Jland writing again, and I promise I'll be by your Jland place soon.

Hugs,
Gem :-)

Being A Mother

2007-05-13T05:58:00.000-05:00

(fwd. email:)

BEING A MOTHER

We are sitting at lunch when my daughter
casually mentions that she and her husband are thinking of "starting a family."
"We're taking a survey," she says, half-joking. "Do you think I should have a baby?"

"It will change your life," I say, carefully keeping my tone neutral.

"I know," she says, "no more sleeping in on weekends, no more spontaneous vacations...."

But that is not what I meant at all.

I look at my daughter, trying to decide what to tell her. I want her to know what
she will never learn in childbirth classes. I want to tell her that the physical
wounds of child bearing will heal, but that becoming a mother will
leave her with an emotional wound so raw that she will forever be vulnerable.

I consider warning her that she will never again read a newspaper
without asking "What if that had been MY child?"

That every plane crash, every house fire will haunt her. That when she sees
pictures of starving children, she will wonder if anything could be worse
than watching your child die.

I look at her carefully manicured nails and
stylish suit and think that no matter how sophisticated she is,
becoming a mother will reduce her to primitive level of a
bear protecting her cub.

That an urgent call of "Mom!" will cause her to drop a soufflé or her best
crystal without a moment's hesitation. I feel I should warn her that
no matter how many years she has invested in her career, she will
be professionally derailed by motherhood.

She might arrange for child care but
one day she will be going into an important business meeting and she will
think of her baby's sweet smell. She will have to use every ounce of her
self-discipline to keep her from running home, just to make sure her baby
is all right.

I want my daughter to know that everyday decisions will no longer be
routine. That a five year old boy's desire to go to the men's room rather
than the women's at McDonald's will become a major dilemma.

That right there, in the midst of clattering trays and screaming children,
issues of independence and gender identity will be weighed against
the prospect that a child molester may be lurking in that restroom.

Whenever she may be at the office, she will second-guess herself
constantly as a mother. Looking at my attractive daughter, I want to assure
her that eventually she will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but she will
never feel the same about herself.

That her life, now so important, will be of less value to her once she has a child.

That she would give it up in a moment to
save her offspring, but will also begin to hope for more years -
not to accomplish her own dreams, but to watch her child accomplish theirs.

I want her to know that a Cesarean scar or shiny stretch marks will
become badges of honor. My daughter's relationship with her husband will change,

but not in the way she thinks.

I wish she could understand how much more you can
love a man who is careful to powder the baby or who never hesitates to play with his child.

I think she should know that she will fall in love with him again for reasons she
would now find very unromantic.

I wish my daughter could sense the bond she will feel
with women throughout history who have tried to stop war, prejudice and
drunk driving. I hope she will understand why I can think rationally
about most issues, but become temporarily insane when I discuss the
threat of nuclear war to my children's future.

I want to describe to my daughter the
exhilaration of seeing your child learn to ride a bike.

I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is

touching the soft fur of a dog or a cat for the first time.

I want her to taste the joy that is so real, it actually hurts.

My daughter's quizzical look makes me realize that tears have

formed in my eyes.

"You'll never regret it," I finally say.

Then I reach across the table, squeeze my daughter's hand and offer a silent
prayer for her, and for me, and for all of the mere mortal women who stumble their way
into this most wonderful of callings.

This blessed gift from God!
Being a Mother.

Happy Mother's Day!

I'm sewing today :-)

2007-05-10T08:59:00.000-05:00

Hello JLand dears!

I sweeped and moped on Monday, and that was work! by the time I finished it felt I went to the gym, moping gave me a good work out, down on my knees wiping baseboards too.

I didn't follow up cleaning or organizing the next two days (Tuesday & Wednesday) I was kind'a bored tuesday so I went out drove around went to a couple toy stores and got something for my youngest son I put away now saving it either for his bday or xmas.

Late afternnon yesterday, I just grabbed and started sewing a baby blanket I started 4 years ago that was supposed to be for my youngest son but I never got around to finish it and decided to finish it yesterday since my sister is expecting. I'm gonna send her the finished blanket (Paddington bear pattern) for the baby soon (due in July.)
Then today, I decided to continue sewing by finding sewing projects I either started and not finish or planning on doing either months ago or years ago. I found the purse pattern my daughter asked me to make her years ago...fabrics were cut up already, so I'm doing that now. I'll take pictures of the fabric purse once it's finished.

Lately, I've been finding myself wanting to do things and getting back to doing crafts projects. Oh, I used to do these a lot way back before I got really depressed. Somehow, it slowly went away from me (doing things I used to enjoy) now I'm looking for things to do which is a good thing for me because I needed this. I'm also thinking of either going back to work or school, I'm in the fence. We're not financially stable at all. I'm just a H.S. graduate so mainly what I get is minimum wage job and I'm kind'a tired of doing retail (I was a retail associate for a good 10 years) I want to work in an office or hopefully get an AA degree so my paycheck won't be a minimum wage.

What are you all up to? I need to come visit Jland sometime soon. Reading Jland journals refreshed me just as much as writing my own.

Well, I'm gonna get back to sewing.....just updating you all what's up on my side.

I appreciate you all taking the time to read my journal....Thanks for coming by!

journally yours,
Gem :)

It's May 7th!!

2007-05-07T06:11:00.000-05:00

Wow! it's been that long since I last posted?? Time flies flies when you're....recovering! :-)

Well, I got up this morning feeling hopeful for the day. I'm hoping to accomplish goals. These are just simple, small goals like cleaning and organizing my home. Actually, general cleaning is more like it. I got up about a little after 4 am and did not rolled out of bed until past 5 am. While I was still laying down, I was enumerating on things I'd like to get done today in my home. So I was feeling excited when I rolled out of bed. But then as soon as I got to the bathroom and looked in the mirror and washed my face, a negative thought and unwanted person comes to mind. I didn't realize what my mind was into until I walked into the kitchen. That's when it dawned on me that for years, I have programmed my mind into thinking negative, unwanted thought for so long that I got used on finding unwanted things or events or person(s) in my mind to ruin my day. I was doing this to myself. So I talked myself into thinking that I DO need to start off with positive thoughts or motivation...meaning I need to start programming my mind into welcoming, positive, motivating thoughts in stead of the other way around. it means I have work to do with my mind. It's my mind afterall, I can put whatever I want into it, it's up to me.

So, I'm just glad to be able to see that this morning because I am just so very tired of negative thinking. It drains me out ands freezes me up, ending up doing nothing. And I don't want to be that way anymore. I know these things are easy for me to say, but I will do my best to start my day with inspiring, motivational thoughts.

I watered my front yard and flower garden first thing this morning and geez! it was pretty chilly outside..... 48 degrees! I'm like, what happened to the weather? It's soo moody :-D

So, I'm up to clean and organized my home and I'm hoping to accomplish these in one week..one room at a time.

I started to think there are soo many things to do but it started to overwhelm me so I reminded myself to think one thought at a time.

All in all, I'm catching up with life pretty slowly. But I'm here though. Learning to start to love living life again.

Speaking of living life again, boy, did I missed Jland or what??!

I hope to hear from ya!

journally yours,
Gem :-)

TuneInCollage

2007-03-09T10:46:00.000-06:00

I finally did it! I've been sitting here for hours (yes! for hours and trying to do something else in between to be productive) trying to upload this collage. It is one of the so far (quite many) collages I've put together since I came home last month. Everytime I look at/read this, it takes me back to that having a wonderful feeling.

I hope you can read some of the little pictures here. The little picture/collages sayings are:

"I felt my heartbeat a little faster."
"Laughter Is God's sunshine.
"Give Thanks for Every Blessing."
"Moments In Time."
"Share words of comfort"
"Be An Angel."
"Create and Preserve beautiful memories."

This is what I was thinking when I was putting this collage together:
"I felt my heart beat a little faster when I Tune In to my heart..."

[Let the world see me the way I see myself.]

"Laughter is God's sunshine therefore Give thanks for every blessings. There are Moments in time when we can Share words of comfort. Be an angel by Creating and Preserving beautiful memories."

When I sit down and do my Collage, I let the pictures speak for my thoughts and takes me away....
:-)

Ok...

2007-03-07T07:11:00.000-06:00

...since I cannot remember right now most of what I wrote earlier, this one's good enough for me.

I am lucky and grateful to have adult people in my life. After my last episode of breakdown, they became more attentive to me and sincerely extended their love and understanding toward me. When I'm down, they helps lift me up. When they know I'm not myself sometimes, they helps me get out of it. I know that not everyone is lucky to have what I have as far as having family nearby to pull me out of the dark.
I've seen it. I saw these people who were alone. I was at this place between January 29th until February 5th and there I saw how many people suffers from different kind of diagnosis.

My first night there, sitting in the farthest corner of the couch-- I asked myself: "What on earth am I doing here?"

I didn't cry from the time I was told I needed to get checked-in. Everyone was crying around me. I remember having no emotion. All I keep saying to myself was "I need to do this for my kids. I need to break the chain."

Then when it was time for me to go, I talked to my mother in law and that's when I cried. That's when I felt I won't be around my kids for a while. That's when I felt this is better than not being here entirely. That's when it hurted me. That's when I am getting the sense that something was wrong and I needed to do this.

During my last day of staying there, I was at this group meeting. When it was time for me to talk, somehow one commented that my first night there, I was very quiet. Though the people there came up to me and introduced themselves, I was not engaging.
Those who were active at the meetings agreed that they slowly saw me emerged from my shell. I was smiling by Wednesday noon of that week. And that same day, I confessed to someone that on my first night, I was wondering why some people looked happy. I said: "I thought you're not supposed to be happy.." and then I added: "now I know it is ok to be happy even if you're in this place..."

When it was time for me to go back home, I looked forward to it. but a some others I met who were going home too didn't express "excitement" of going back home. I was wondering then. They wanted to go home yet at the same time, they don't. I can see in their eyes they were afraid. again, asking myself, why are they afraid to go home?

I realized later on why.

Because whilewe were at "that place", we were protected. Protected from the harse world. We were this one group of people who understand each other because of what we were going through. No one judges us. Even if there's someone, we basically just did not paid attention to that person. Even if that person cause trouble or was annoying, we were just quiet and kept to ourselves. We engaged with those who wants to be around people even if it means just sitting in the lounge area.

Going home means facing up to reality....it'll now test our strength.

The one thing that I've enjoyed while I was at "that place" the most was doing the collage. We did that late Thursday afternoon. The moment the staff/nurses told us what we were about to do, my mind started working. I started feeling very excited as I sorted through the magazines to cut out as we wish. By the time we finished the activity, I realized how much fun I had putting it together. And there it was a big cardboard of collage-expressing my thoughts and feelings through pictures. I explained to those who'd listened what my collage meant (why I picked that certain pictures.)

When I came home, I knew I found a new hobby.

:-)

it just occured to me

2007-03-07T06:44:00.000-06:00

...that I am now looking forward to wake up in the mornings. I used to wanted to rather just sleep ALL day. I remember feeling I just wanted to run away from everything and sleeping does that for me.

[ok..this is all I can remember what I wrote earlier... aw gosh..sick in my stomach now.] :-(

Anyway, I'm gonna keep trying. I'm NOT gonna let AOL's screw ups to screw my mind too.

ok..here's the rest of what I wrote as far as I can remember.............

Before January 29th** ...............

oh gosh..now I'm pissed! I now wished I had written it in word pad or somehting first.

But I ALWAYS TRUST AOL.....

now I'm pissed again.

I guess it'd be better if I just sleep this off.

see ya!
Gem :-(

test-I just lost my "it was so nicely written" entry just few minutes ago!

2007-03-07T06:32:00.000-06:00

aahhh! now it works! grrrr!!

Ok...I'm gonna try again....................

WARNING!!!!

2007-03-02T13:56:00.000-06:00

(link) Z P D I ---an actual SCAMMING phone company! (link)

I just paid my monthly local phone bill today and when the receipt was handed to us that's when I saw that we owed almost $200.00 more--we were being charged $2.22 a minute for calls we DIDN'T make.
(These calls were actually an incoming calls-not from our home, but these company is insisting the calls were made from our home.)

ohh...I'm sooo pissed! Even my local phone company is not very helpful.

I called ZPDI and asked the rep to send us a written trace of exact time/date the calls were made and she told me they don't do that. I asked why and she couldn't even come up with a convincing answer--I told her: "you don't even know what you're talking about!..."

I am getting rid of my house phone number, I am signing up for cable-access-online and just stick with my cell phone.

I'm not sure yet what's gonna happen with the bill from scammer-ZPDI, but I'm gonna go as far as writing and contacting congress and FTC.

Gosh....why can't we have a decent and honest business nowadays??!!

Bonding

2007-02-23T04:49:00.000-06:00

Within minutes of posting my entry yesterday, , my mood changed from being feeling on top/feeling great to feeling low in more like agitated/annoyed feeling. It was later on I realized it's because I saw someone I really don't care to see. I became aware of my "attitude/feelings" afterwards and looked within why I felt the way I did.

I saw that I needed to have a plan B or maybe even a C (Plan A is to avoid people/events/things that "triggers" my unpleasant mood/emotion that is VERY quick to anger and change without thinking) so that my outburst (anger, annoyed, sadness, agitation, yelling...) becomes less and less specially to unnecessary ones.

While I was in my "low" mood, no one can really paint my face because it gotten all wrinkled from looking like a madman. So, I realized that I need to have a good face upfront even behind it is the opposite. But I'm sure it'll be seen in my body language. One can easily read me through my body language and tone of my voice. You see, I can't just fake anything in front of a person.

I've been having my crying spells these past week. Everyday I'd be doing something then all of the sudden I just wants to bawl my eyes out. I almost did when my husband and I were at the church for Ash Wednesday. The minister said something that just touch my heart; tears quickly started pouring down, luckily I had a tissue in my purse. But I had to control myself from sobbing.

He said: "It is not about what others see or what one (we ) see. What matters is what God sees, and what he sees within us."

Last night my daughter and I bonded. She talked about & showed me her dance moves and song lyric on top of it she also shared some favorite quotes with me. Here's one she sent me:
"I know I Am Made Of Mistakes, Disapointments & Failures...But I Promise You There's a Part Of Me Worth Keeping." -unknown-

journally yours,
Gem~

I...

2007-02-22T15:04:00.000-06:00

....haven't been around since I last posted my first post! (LOL!) ahhh.....just playing with you all.

I will be visiting journals for the next couple of days. Yeah..it's my moods---I'm praying I keep my end of it.

Weather here today IS absolutely gorgeous! Did I just said Gorgeous?? (ok-- I think maybe I just mis-spelled that one...did I??)

Anyway, I Love it so (weather) that I ended up planting seeds of Marigold and Zinnia Thumbelina (mini-zinnia flowers) so we'll see how it goes with rain and nice weather combined. I think when the warning/danger of frost comes around(since winter is not officially over yet), I'll put a clear plastic bag over the seeds. I'm thinking that I'm actually hoping it would help the seeds to not get frozen. You know how weather can be sometimes..its like to "play" with us.

I feel great as of this moment. I had my ups and down. This past weekend was my youngest son's baptism..it turned out well, and my in-laws came down for the weekend. It was a quiet celebration full of family fun.

journally yours,
Gem :-)

This is new....

2007-02-13T05:11:00.000-06:00

..a quick note to let you all know I opened a new journal. I do misses the voices of Jland.

The place where I've found unique souls, sincere friendship and fun atmosphere helps keep me going.

You have no idea.

I am not in the mood to go back or open my old journal....though I want and missed my original journal name.

So, at the end of my daily posts, I will sign....

journally yours.
Gem :-)

..until next time. Have a wonderful day.

~~ Collage ~~

Hello??

Still on Facebook & Twitter

My! Gosh!! freakin' blogger.com!! (sorry friends)

Hello :-)

links???

:-)

ok..that was easy...

it's vacay time!

I'm LIVE! on YouTube!

Question..

My very 1st utube home video

the 5 questions-

just 4 fun!

Funny pics!

The Holy Water

Easter pics 8

Easter pics 7

Easter pics 6

Do U see?

Easter pics 4

Easter pics 3

Easter pics 2

To Lift A Nation

I'm baaack!

Peek-A-Boo!!

F Y I

Ouch!!

stuffed...um..

The Device

tv shows

weird...

The Tale Of The Missing Entries

:-)

The Girl In The Memory Lane

A BIG Thank You! :-)

The Road To "it"

2007--a year in review--

2008!

~~Wishing You All a Joyous Christmas~~

Happy Holidays!

Thank You

--

Yayy!! :-D

Trick Or Treat! :-D

Where Are My Fat Pants???!!!

thanks!

:-(

Don't Quit..

Today.

Have a wonderful weekend :-)

website

Habit

sick :-(

about me updates-(sidebar)

it's October!

;-)

:-)

Hello

Hello :-)

Carved in Stone

Pictures 1, 2 & 3

Pictures 4, 5 & 6

MonDay!

Being A Mother

I'm sewing today :-)

It's May 7th!!

TuneInCollage

Ok...

it just occured to me

test-I just lost my "it was so nicely written" entry just few minutes ago!

WARNING!!!!

Bonding

I...

This is new....

Collage

Wishing You All a Joyous Christmas